the day i walked up the graves...

yet another day...but it's a happy, fun and good day...
it's the time of the year that i really love..."cheng beng"(i have no idea what it is in english)
anyway this is the time of the year where i get to hop on graves searching for my ancestor's grave, it's like a maze...n of'cuz with the whole bunch of family members...
cutting grasses under the hot sun, arrange those yellow n white papers...
it's alot of fun...tho it's a lil hot, but...nothing beats a good o "hike up the grave"...
anyway had lunch after that...with the whole bunch of them...(families)
all i can say is...i love this time around...well a lil less than chinese new year, n i know u know y...
well going back to normal life tomorrow...or abnormal...anything...
n i've jz learned one new thing from a tv advertistment, life without dream...is a job...
n i'm doing my job...geez...where have my dream gone...?
anyway...going to get paid soon...n hopefully i know what i'm going to do with it...n how i'm going to do it...
n i guess...i'll jz have to wait till tomorrow...n see how's life going to turn out to be...

mind talking...

DANG...!!!so since when did i last had fun...?
no idea...probably days, weeks, even months...years r too long, i'de be dead by than...
maybe all i need is a good rest, keep my mind fresh, n have a great start on everything...
paint myself a picture...play some good games...
nah...i probably need to keep my head right...before i start turning to all that i defy before than...
no stress...the funny thing is, there is no stress...
nothing...numb...
well probably its the work thing going on...killing all my good brain cells...
n now i'm seriously talking to myself...
maybe i shud start reading...its a good thing...i think i really shud...
i mean i really are into books nowadays...
maybe it's the work thing again...but it's a good thing...i think...?!
n now...i think i'm done...i mean talking to myself...
seriously getting tired...sleepy...
n in a few hours time i have to get to work...
better keep my self fresh till than...
maybe half fresh since i have so little time to sleep...
oh well, hopefully they're all prepared for the zombie attack tomorrow...

my life lately, to all my friends...

i'm alrite, i'm fine, but little less than happy.
life is fine, life is simple, but little less than happy.
i'm working now, part-time, and borders book store where it is.
starting to get very busy, life is now a routine.
work, sleep, work, rest, work, sleep...
i gain new friends, yet felt a little less closer with the old ones.
alot less...i guess...
i miss my old life, old friend, i miss the taste of freedom i had.
maybe freedom is still with me but yet i'm too tired to reach for it.
very tired...i guess...
i used to check my mails n friendster n my blog...
now, time is all i have to get some sleep.
i miss those time when i run around school playing catch,
fighting is a game, girls n money...nothing more than fun n friends.
time change, i change, everything changed...
than i miss those time when i run around school playing skip classes,
life is a game, girls n money...they seem a lil more important there days.
time change, i change, everything changed...
than i miss time when i run around the field because i was forced to,
being dirty is a game, girls n money...well having it that time seem useless...
time change, i change, everything changed...
than i miss time when i would run around town searching for good food and being late,
driving is a game, girls n money...well, the more the merrier...
time change, i change, everthing changed...
now...i wud run around house n work trying not to be late,
sleeping is a game, girls n money...too tired to think of any...
time change, i change, everything changed...
i'm sorry if i'm not the same...
i'm sorry if life is being cruel...
i'm sorry if everything can never be the same...
to all my friends...
even if everything does change,
our friendship is immortal,
and time are just numbers.

the real me

been wondering that where the heck did this bugger go...?
he talks alot about how beautiful life is...
how much he wanted the world to be...
how great he would be...
n how strong he is when facing problems...
but basically thats all bullshit...i'm jz trying to create a whole new world of my own in here so that i wun feel that bad, at least to make me happier...

since young i'm not much of a "saying out my problem" type of person, everything is much like "my problem, my headache, my pride" haha, yea i know how stupid i am. The problem is, i'm still one. I kind of like hide alot of things when it come to my life, i dun admit to certain problems which i thought embarrasing, i tend to hide the fact that my life is jz not as wonderfull as many think of, but the fact is my heart is gushing with alot alot alot alot of emotions and i dun really like to share these problem with people because i think it wun be that great about me, its even worst turning to my parents for that cuz they most likely thinks that i'm wrong n then when we argue they tend to always thinks that they're right, yea i know they're older n wiser but that doesn't make them god, they're not all right all the time.
Then i start writting blogs hopefully to free myself, but sadly even words through wrtting are too fake to be true n even writtings are full of lies n nothing in here are making sense of my life i'm not being who i am, i'm creating a whole new jie here, one in which he has a better life than the real me, n the sad fact is i'm not as strong as what i hoped to be, but for honor sake for pride sake i lied. remember how much i said about never giving up? well i gave up on things all the time, like when i was young i gave up piano, than i gave up on sports, i gave up trying to do something, i even gave up to games that i can't finish, so basically i'm a bag full of shit, Bullshit.
so y the sudden urge to face something, y the sudden urge to admit to something. i know i'm a coward but hopefully i'm doing something real n true for once,lettting u guys know not to trust what u see, many illusions are created jz to make u feel amaze, but the real sad fact in life is, it can never be beautiful untill you realize the fact that life is not about holding on to something, but letting it go. thats what i'm trying to do letting go of everything in me, for once trying to be the real me infront of everyone.

too much thought, too little guts to do

i have alot in mind, too much to be kept it all to myself yet to important to let it out. i dunno, i guess i'll jz have to put my mind into something else.
i have this crazy idea, n i dun know what shud i do about it...hm...of'cuz it's not something bad or evil but it's kinda stupid to be jz right...i'm out of my mind...alot alot alot alot more things in my mind now...not stress out cuz i dun stress that easily but kinda like it's pulling my mind not knowing what to do n coin toss jz can't tell me what to do anymore...i feel like talking to someone but yet i'm too too too lazy to say hi...geez...i'm so tired yet eyes to wide to jz sit back n relax my mind full of actions yet my body is too heavy to move...ARGGHHHHHH...!!!!

n again bad things always happen the split second u think of it...n the good thing...?well the moment u plan for the worst, the good things disappear n let all the fun for the bad stuff...tell me is that a challenge an obstacle or a joke from above...?geez...life is full of what u can't imagine but still even if life throws me a rotten apple i'll dodge n take it n throw it back...i wun bow to fate i control fate, my fate...

well though not everything is being let out but i still feel slightly better...atleast better than before...so i'll come again when i feel like i'm going to kill someone...haha....

dooms day

are you lonesome tonight...~~..nah...not really...jz kinda nervous i'm probably gonna get my results tomorrow n i can't really sleep, i'm even more nervous than going out with some hot chicks...DARN..!!!whats gotten into my mind...tomorrow will be judgement day either it wud be heaven or hell for me...well i have a lil confidence this time...but yet the more confidence i have the more i fear...geez...speaking of mixed feelings...but it's also a good news cuz i've been anxious for this moment since the very 1st day i took the exam...well jz came back home, went out with few friends trying to relax ourself abit...but clearly it's not working very well i'm still awake...trying to crap my heads out...

well i watched a tv drama jz now, i can't remember it's name...acted by myolie wu n bosco wong...i think u know which one i'm talking about...well, after watching the drama it was like i know everything cuz obviously they're acting infront of me n i shud have known it for sure but inside they jz keep misunderstanding each other(not for real in mean in the series), finally for so many year i realised that outsider really can see things clearer than whos involved in that matter...but still we always thinks that we understand things more than any one else in this tiny lil world...but hey, who wud want to listen to an outsider...?maybe i'll try to listen nex time...

i guess this is what i'm feeling n thinking n doing today...what else...nothing...ok than i'll leave the rest of my life to ur imagination...but dun dream of something bad about me...u'll jz end up dissapointing urself...till than...catch ya nex time...