the real me

been wondering that where the heck did this bugger go...?
he talks alot about how beautiful life is...
how much he wanted the world to be...
how great he would be...
n how strong he is when facing problems...
but basically thats all bullshit...i'm jz trying to create a whole new world of my own in here so that i wun feel that bad, at least to make me happier...

since young i'm not much of a "saying out my problem" type of person, everything is much like "my problem, my headache, my pride" haha, yea i know how stupid i am. The problem is, i'm still one. I kind of like hide alot of things when it come to my life, i dun admit to certain problems which i thought embarrasing, i tend to hide the fact that my life is jz not as wonderfull as many think of, but the fact is my heart is gushing with alot alot alot alot of emotions and i dun really like to share these problem with people because i think it wun be that great about me, its even worst turning to my parents for that cuz they most likely thinks that i'm wrong n then when we argue they tend to always thinks that they're right, yea i know they're older n wiser but that doesn't make them god, they're not all right all the time.
Then i start writting blogs hopefully to free myself, but sadly even words through wrtting are too fake to be true n even writtings are full of lies n nothing in here are making sense of my life i'm not being who i am, i'm creating a whole new jie here, one in which he has a better life than the real me, n the sad fact is i'm not as strong as what i hoped to be, but for honor sake for pride sake i lied. remember how much i said about never giving up? well i gave up on things all the time, like when i was young i gave up piano, than i gave up on sports, i gave up trying to do something, i even gave up to games that i can't finish, so basically i'm a bag full of shit, Bullshit.
so y the sudden urge to face something, y the sudden urge to admit to something. i know i'm a coward but hopefully i'm doing something real n true for once,lettting u guys know not to trust what u see, many illusions are created jz to make u feel amaze, but the real sad fact in life is, it can never be beautiful untill you realize the fact that life is not about holding on to something, but letting it go. thats what i'm trying to do letting go of everything in me, for once trying to be the real me infront of everyone.